The Ten Commandments of Toddler

1. Thou shalt always stand in the way of the door that mummy is trying to open or close. 
2. Thou shalt always refuse to put on a vital piece of clothing - such as pants - when mummy is late and in a hurry to get out of the door.
3. Thou shalt always ask a question at least seventeen times and during those seventeen times thou shalt never allow mummy time to answer the question. 
4. Thou shalt always behave beautifully when other people look after thee and thou shalt save all the worst rat-baggery behaviour for when just mummy is there. 
5. Thou must examine every leaf, stone, snail, flower and piece of skanky rubbish on the road whenever thou walks anywhere. Thou shalt ensure every walk takes at least ten times as long as it could take. 
6. Thou shalt always decide thou needs a poo just as mummy has got thee nicely tucked up in bed. 
7. Thou shalt always wake up as early as possible and ensure thou wakes the entire house up too. Thou shalt especially make sure this happens when thou are very tired and thou must moan incessantly about how tired thou are at mummy all day long. 
8. Thou shalt never do something the first time mummy asks. Thou must make mummy ask at least three times. 
9. Thou shalt always remember the naughty words mummy says and repeat them when in front of the largest possible audience. 
10. Thou shalt push mummy to the very limits and just at the point thou sees she is close to breaking, thou must then do something heartbreakingly adorable so mummy will love thee for eternity, regardless of all the rat-baggery.