Things My Children Have Broken

Things my children have broken in recent months:

The television. Cause: both of them repeatedly shoving it back and forth, despite me bellowing 'DON'T SHOVE THE TV LIKE THAT. YOU WILL BREAK IT.' It is of little comfort to me that I was proved right in the end. 

My iPhone 6. Cause: both of them repeatedly lobbing it across the room in response to me saying 'Mummy is going to count to five and you need to give me the phone.' I think I might need to re-think the counting to five behaviour management technique. Mainly it seems to give them time to think of the next naughty thing to do. 

The toaster. Cause: Zachary put a magnet in a metal box then dropped the box into the toaster. Fortunately, I'd turned the toaster off because he was near it, otherwise he may well have been toast himself. 

The living room lamp. Cause: Daisy decided that grabbing onto the cheap, plastic Ikea lamp would help slow her over-ambitious/fucking dangerous leap from the sofa. She was wrong, it just made the landing much, much more painful. And she broke the lamp. 

The door of the oven and the fridge on their toy kitchen. Cause: Zachary deliberately yanked both off. Y'know, because he can. Consequence: Daisy wails piteously and on a daily basis that they're broken and declares 'You STILL haven't fixed my kitchen mummy.' #judgeychild

Me: Cause: Sleep deprivation. I love them. I love them in a way I didn't know it was possible to love. From the tips of their toes to their cute button noses, I love them truly and fiercely and unendingly. I love them at their best and at their worst and everything in between. There's no place I'd rather be than snuggled up in a cuddle with them. 

But the little sods just don't sleep enough. Or at the same time as each other. Or in their own beds. And they think 5.30 is morning time (FYI, it is not. It is categorically sleepy time). Daisy wakes me up at 4.30 because she wants me to get her sodding slippers because her feet are 'freesing mummy' and Zach wakes me up at 2am because he wants 'POTATOES MUMMY. POTATOES.' (That genuinely happened. I refused to get him potatoes. We fell out.) It's ok though - I know what will fix me: 10 hours of undisturbed sleep, every night for a week. 

Just another decade or so to wait for the fix.